The Diary of Number Thirteen
by bezoar10
Summary: Roxas' dairy of his days in Organization thirteen. includes a lot of yaoi, Akuroku of course.
1. Never be lonely

I know that it's not Love, but I don't know what else to call it. I can't describe this feeling in words, but if I were to try I would just simply say that I loved him. I wouldn't try and capture my indescribable compassion for this boy. Ever sense I join the Organization he had been my closest friend. Never before had I thought that I could have loved him. I was so used to not feeling anything at all. No, I was used to one feeling, which was loneliness.

When I first entered Organization XIII, I didn't talk to anyone. Until one day when someone knocked at my door. I stood confused, was it my imagination? A second knock. I walked cautiously to my bedroom door. I stopped in front of the frame, wondering who it could have been. Before I could comprehend this any further a voice called out to me.

"Roxas! Open your damn door. I'll kick your fucking ass if you don't." I didn't know anyone's voice yet, just because I never talked to anyone before. I opened the door and there stood a man. He had fire engine red hair and two obtuse triangles under his eyes. I didn't know him by his name, only by his number.

"What do _you_ want?" I asked him.

"Don't give me attitude, got it memorized?" He spoke and as he said this he pushed his way past me and lay down on my bed. "I just thought we could have a little chat. You've been isolating and it's pissing me off."

I didn't say anything I just shut the door and sat down with my back to it. I never even thought that someone from the Organization would want to befriend me. I looked at him, but he was looking at the ceiling. "It's Axel, right?" He nodded, "Well, Axel, I'm sorry, but I don't plan to be in this Organization for long."

"Come on, all nobodies disappear eventually. Where will you go? Will you pretend to be normal? You couldn't fool anyone. You can't even fake an emotion. Got it memorized?" He didn't turn to look at me as he insulted me. It didn't bother me because he was right.

"How do you fake an emotion?" I asked after a silence.

"It's something that you just pick up over time." He said and finally looked over to me. "Roxas?"

"Ya?"

"Can I tell you a secret?"

"Sure."

"You remind me of someone I once knew." Axel told me. "I don't know if it was a dream, but you remind me of my father. Well not mine, but my somebodies. He was a lot like you."

"I can't remember anything about my somebodies life. I think he was a hero. I just know his name is Sora." That name felt weird as it crossed my lips. I didn't know where it came from. I never heard or thought about that name. "What's this emotion? I feel like someone just died. Someone close to me."

"Sadness." He answered me. "You really are new to this."

"I'm sick of this already." I sighed, frustrated at the fact that I was even created. Not to say that I didn't value my life, but that my somebody died. I know that he had a strong heart or I would have just been some meaningless nobody.

Axel sat up with his back to the wall. He patted the spot next to him. I stood and sat beside him. He put his hand on my knee. I was confused and gave him a strange look.

He put his gloved hand under my chin and held up my face. He came closer to me, I was still confused. His lips touched mine. I had never heard of this before, but if I had to describe this it felt good. The next thing I knew Axel was on top of me. His knees on either side of my hips.

"Axel." I managed to say. He pulled his tongue out of my mouth, but he still lingered close to my face.

"What is it?" His breath smelled like cinnamon gum.

"What is this called?" I felt like an idiot, but I had been wondering this the whole time his tongue was in my mouth.

"A kiss. Got it memorized?"

"I think so." He came closer again. "Wait. Are you taking advantage of me because I don't know what I'm doing?"

"I'm not even going to lie to you. I am." He kissed me again, "Is that okay with you?"

"Should it be?" I asked and wrinkled my nose.

"Only if you like this."

"Shut up and kiss me again." I pulled on his robes and kissed him. I wanted him to feel good too. I wanted to return what he gave me. His hand was under my head and gripping my hair. And my hands were pushing against his chest because I didn't realize that I was supposed to move them.

That's what started our 'friendship' as he called it. Back then I had never heard of love. I didn't understand the concept. But now that I remember this I think it is love. I'll have to tell you what else happened so you can decide if it was love after all.

Good bye for now.

Love,

Roxas


	2. Roxanne!

I've just remembered something, I don't really know if it's important or not though. For the next few days, Axel ignored me. When we would pass each other in the hall way or on the stairs he engaged himself immediately in a conversation with whoever happened to be closest to him at the time, other than me of course. It didn't bother me at first, just because I didn't really notice. But then a few days turned into a few weeks.

I had finally got up the nerve to ask him about it, but as I was about to knock on his door number nine walked around the corner.

"Whatcha' doin'?" He asked. His complete lack of proper grammar made me twitch.

"I…I wanted to talk to Axel." I managed without correcting him.

"He's not in the castle right now, didn't he tell you?"

"Could you tell him something for me then?" I asked, after coming all this way, I realized that I couldn't say it to his face after all, I was glad that he wasn't there. Was that wrong of me?

"You're picking the wrong guy for this one." He patted my shoulder and walked passed me, "By, the way, my name's Demyx." He said without turning around. Well, Demyx, you seem to be strait out of Mississippi. I made a mental note to ask Axel about him later.

I decided to go into Axel's room anyway. I thought that if I familiarized myself with his room, I'd be able to focus on him instead of the clutter that was piled upon his floor. To my surprise his room was kept neat, except for scorch marks that were scattered all over the walls and ceiling.

At that point I felt a pair of arms wrap around me. I tried to look up, but all I saw was the ceiling as I was pushed from a standing position onto the bed. Axel was on top of me. I struggled to get out from under him.

"I love it when you put up a fight." He smirked. I was scared, I think. Or maybe confused? What ever I was, I wasn't happy with what he was about to do. "Roxas, I'm sorry for not conversing with you. Xemnas put me on a mission, he told me not to tell anyone, I was afraid that I would let it slip." He cooed in my ear, sending shivers all through out my body. Axel mistook these shivers for pleasure, he must have, or why else would he do it? Right?

This is when I realized that Axel had a lot more than kissing on his mind this time. I didn't know what to call this though. He had unzipped my cloak and kissed my chest. "Someone's been working out." He had noted as he licked the outline of my abdomen.

"Axel. Cut it out!" I tried to push him off me. He reached up and held my arms down. I hated to admit it, but he was at the very least twice as strong as I was. "Please, Axel…just get off me."

"You should have known better than to go in my room without my permission. Roxy, beg me more, I like it."

"Don't call me Roxy!" I screamed as I fought my restraints. He rested the side of his face between my left hip which stuck out slightly and my lower stomach.

"The more you fight it, the more I'll enjoy it…Roxy."

"I don't fucking care! Get off me! As soon as you let me go, I swear to fucking Kingdom Hearts I will kick your ass!" Was it okay to swear to Kingdom Hearts? I didn't think so, but I had heard someone say that when they were yelling.

"Uh-hu. So you're saying when I let you go you're going to 'kick my ass'?" He smiled, "Okay Roxy, go ahead." He stood and let me up. I zipped up my cloak and walked to his door. I was waiting for Axel to stop me, but he didn't which was good…right?

I walked out into the hallway and up the stairs. I sighed and opened my door. That was more than I ever wanted to happen between us. I mean we were friends, nothing more, and nothing less. Oh how wrong I was.

I took off my cloak and threw it on the floor, where as normally I would have hung it up. At that moment I just wanted to fall into a sleep so deep no one could wake me. I fell into a sea of blankets and kicked off my boots. My hands fell behind my head as I looked up at my ceiling.

I must have drifted off to sleep either that or spaced out entirely. When I opened my eyes Axel was at my desk.

"Good morning Roxy." He smirked.

"Get out." I said. I think it was anger that I felt. Axel stood from the chair and walked past the bed where I sat.

He stopped in front of me and turned, "You know Roxy, I thought we had something." There was that strange twinkle in his eyes. Sadness? Pain? Hurt? What was it?

"I thought so too." I sighed. "Axel, could you please just…"

"Don't worry, I'll be gentle." He cut me off. Axel slid on to my bed. I think that I just wanted someone to care about me because I lay down right next to him.

As of now I think I'm an attention seeking whore. Well, I'll need to further my story so you can make your decision.

Love,

Roxas


	3. Learning to Fall

Axel and I talked for hours on end. We talked about the plans we had for the future. He told me that there was a group trying to overthrow the Organization and he was thinking about joining. He told me that he was thinking about fucking it up for them. I wondered how he could say that so casually, with a smile on his face.

"Why are you smiling? Are you happy when you cause other people misery?" I asked.

"Only in this case." His smile was replaced with a smirk.

"You're keeping something from me." I stated simply.

"You're getting better." He closed his eyes and shook his head a bit. "It is true, I am keeping something hidden. I do plan to tell you though."

I wanted for him to say something more. When he didn't I got frustrated, "Tell me." I turned my head to look at him when I did he was centimeters from my face.

"Make me." He breathed, how was it that his breath always smelled like cinnamon gum? Not that nasty aftertaste either, it was like he still had a piece in his mouth or something.

"I will."

"How do you plan on-" I silenced him with a kiss. He rolled on top of me. 'So much for taking it slow' I thought. "So much for taking it slow." He said.

"Can you read minds or something?"

"No, just face expressions." He smirked and kissed me.

"Tell me." I repeated.

"It's gonna take a lot more than kissing to get this out of me." He breathed. The cinnamon smell was overwhelming, and every time we kissed it burned my mouth. It was like this first time I had tried Big Red, or when Axel talked me into licking the wrapper and putting it on my forehead. What a bitch.

I knew what he wanted this time, and I was willing to give it to him for this information. I unzipped his cloak and threw it on the floor next to mine. I gripped his shoulders and rolled over so I was on top of him. A look of shock crossed his face. Was he surprised that I took charge so easily?

I kissed his neck and sucked on it, twirling my tongue over the skin in my mouth. I lowered myself, kissing his chest as I went down. I unbuttoned his black jeans and pulled them down to his knees. I don't really know what I was expecting from him at this point. Maybe for him to tell me to stop, I don't remember.

Axel grabbed my hair and tried to guide me to his sweet spots. He said my name, not in the normal tone, but more like a sexual moan.

A warm liquid exploded in my mouth. I tasted like cinnamon, Jesus, would this cinnamon thing ever end? His whole damn body tasted like it. I spat it out and coughed. That was possibly the grosses experience of my life. He didn't even apologize afterwards.

I crawled up his body and hovered over his face. "Cinnamon?" I said. Axel blushed a deep red, almost the colour of his fire red hair. "Are you embarrassed? It's cute." I nibbled on his ear and I could feel his all ready hard erection against my stomach.

A knocking echoed in my room. "Who could that be?" I questioned.

"Roxas, I need to talk to you." Their voice came through.

"It's Zexion." Axel said, "What ever he's asking say no." I nodded and put on my robe leaving it unzipped a bit.

I opened the door a squeezed through. He tried to steal a peek as to what I was hiding in my room, "What is it?" I asked acting all serious.

"I've heard rumors that you dislike Organization."

"I'm neither confirming nor denying this." I crossed my arms and stared at him. Zexion held more estrogen than any female could possibly hold. When I said this, I was surprised that he didn't cry or whine.

"Ah I see." Zexion flipped his hair and reached into his pocket. He withdrew a piece of paper. "Come, if you're interested, this has as much to do with you as it does with our target." He pressed the paper in my hand. Zexion flipped his hair and walked away.

I decided it was better to keep this from Axel.


	4. feel my skin on your skin

Chapter four:

Axel was on top of me. He told me it would hurt, but any warning was not good enough for what I was about to feel. It was like someone had literally ripped each and every hair follicle out of my body. Actually, it was worse than that. Maybe close to child birth…I wouldn't know.

He told me that it would hurt less after awhile. When it didn't I asked him…well I sort of screamed for him to get out. He ignored me and thrust deeper and harder inside me.

I started to cry, and my arms and knees that were holding me up started to feel like jelly. I wanted so badly to collapse, but Axel held a firm grip on my hips. He moaned my name, slow and painlessly. I knew that I should probably moan something back, but I also knew that if I opened my mouth I would scream again.

I wanted him to finish. Just to cum inside me and pull out. His "dick" as Axel called it, (I still call it a penis) was longer than I remember when I sucked on it…and it was pretty long then. I'd have never guessed that two males could "fuck"…which is again, one of Axel's terms. I thought intercourse was strictly for men and woman, not any other combination. Mostly, I guess, I didn't think that putting his penis is my rear end would be enjoyable. I was sort of right, Axel seems to be obtaining pleasure from this…I however am not.

When he came inside me it felt like when you take a bath in hot water, the very moment your rear touches the water, you get the tingles. Well, it was far less romantic than that actually. He was out of breath and he finally pulled out. It burned, and I cried harder than I was before. He kissed my face and wiped away my tears with the back of his finger.

Axel then asked me something I didn't see coming, "Want me to suck you off?" Was he trying to make up for the pain I just felt? It was a pathetic attempt, but I nodded, for I was curious what it felt like. He lowered himself, and in a completely different manor than I had, began to suck on my penis.

He didn't put the whole thing in his mouth like I had, He only put the tip in, and after a bit, and he started to use his hands, spreading saliva down the shaft as a lubricant. I knew that he wasn't doing this to please me; he was doing it so I would know how to do it for future reference. What made me cum in the end was when he looked up at me. Such a degrading pose he was in, and it was so empowering to see him like that. He didn't spit it out, he swallowed it. All of it, I wondered if he liked it…then I wondered what I tasted like. He didn't stop sucking my penis though; he waited a few moments after I came and then stopped. Was that because he enjoyed doing it? Or maybe it was custom to hold it a little longer?

Was this love? Does sex require love? I'm not sure, but with this memory introduced to you, hopefully you can help me decide.

Love,

Roxas


	5. submissive

Chapter five

I've remembered something else, although seemingly insignificant; I suppose it may be important to those with hearts. The absurdity of it is of course, would be that it has nothing, yet everything to do with Axel.

It was three days after Axel and I had sexual intercourse when Zexion approached me again. He didn't say anything at first, just stood there, waiting for me to say something. He sighed, as if speaking to a child.

"Have you thought about it?" He didn't make eye contact with me, which was annoying. I had no idea what he was talking about.

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"You're hopeless." Zexion was already frowning, but it intensified. "Regardless of your hopelessness, you're a factor that my plan can not do with out."

I knew he insulted me, yet I was what you call 'curious' about Zexion's plan.

"Come to my room tonight" He extended his arm and placed his hand on my shoulder, "come alone." Zexion was sort of creeping me out, like how an old man with a beard and thick glasses creeps out a four year old. I felt like he was going to do something I would like even less than sexual intercourse.

They say "Curiosity killed the cat" but have you ever thought about what was so interesting to be curious about that was worth being killed over?

Almost immediately after Zexion left me standing by myself, Axel appeared. "What was all that about?" He crossed his arms and glared at me.

"What was what about?" I stood completely dumbfounded.

"Zexion was all over you!" Axel shifted his weight to one side and waited for an answer from me.

"It wasn't about anything, Zexion just told me…something, and he felt like he was going to fall over, so he used me for support." This is what is known as a lie. This is the first lie I ever told, but it most certainly would not be the last.

"Probably drunk again." Axel muttered, more to himself than to me. I shrugged. Had I really fooled him so easily? "You should stay away from Zexion if you know what's good for you." Was that a threat?

"Was that a threat?" I repeated my thoughts.

Axel said nothing at first, but after shifting his weight again he spoke, "You might as well take it as one, and your ass is mine." Axel grabbed my jaw and kissed me, I tried to pull away, but he wouldn't let me. I became submissive and let him explore my mouth with his tongue.

Was this all because I spoke to Zexion? Maybe this is what is known as Jealousy? Was he trying to prove that I was a belonging of his? What ever point he was trying to make was unclear to me.

He portaled us to my room, I knew what was going to happen, but I still resisted. I was still sore from the first time, but he didn't seem to mind that I put up a fight. "Axel, stop it!" I was quite serious.

Axel paused, "What?" He was hovering above me, and had me pinned.

"I'm not in the mood." I said, which was another lie. The only thing that was preventing Axel from feeling my erection was the thick leather Organization coat.

He rolled off me, "Sorry, I just wanted rough sex. Nothing against you, got it memorized?"

"Well, can we have rough sex without you worsening me soreness?" I asked, I had no idea what rough sex was.

"Uh…probably not." Axel ruffled my hair and smiled, "You're so adorable when you have no concept of anything."

I stuck out my lower lip and pretended to pout, "Then I guess I'm adorable all the time." I said in a fake childish voice.

"I guess so." Axel said. He sighed and pressed his body against mine. While on his side, he wrapped his exposed arm around my chest.

"What's this called?" I asked

"Cuddling." He answered and burrowed his face in my hair.

"I like this." I smiled, "hold on a second." I sat up and removed my coat. I didn't have a shirt, just jeans. Axel removed his coat as well as his shirt. I lay back down and wrapped his arm back around my chest.

I felt his chest rise and fall as he slowly began to fall asleep. I looked at the illuminated digital clock. It was almost six o'clock. Zexion would be expecting me soon.

I pealed Axel's arm off of me and placed it on the bed, careful not to wake him. Rather than risk the squeaking of the door, I grabbed my coat and portaled to the hall way.

More on this later,

Love,

Roxas


End file.
